"It's as if a great bird lives inside the stone of our days and since no sculptor can free it, it has to wait for the elements to wear us down, till it is free to fly." Mark Nepo

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Pilgrimage

Love gifts for my Way

After two years of dreaming and planning and studying, I leave tomorrow for Spain. When Patricia first mentioned the Camino de Santiago in a conversation over coffee all those months ago, I'd never heard of it. By the time she was done explaining that The Way of Saint James is an ancient 500 mile pilgrimage route across the north of Spain, I was hooked. When she suggested I join her, I said yes without hesitation.

When I said yes, I didn't really believe either of us would actually get ourselves on the Way. I will never say no to an invitation to adventure, figuring I can work out the details later, knowing that more often than not things fall through. Patricia has kids at home and has never left them before, and I didn't think she could.

At first I was going along just to hang out with Patricia. However, as I read and studied I realized the Camino was beckoning me. Anecdotes would brings tears to my eyes. Pictures would tug at me like silver threads pulling me toward a light my soul couldn't live without. The movie The Way, which I'd somehow missed previously, made me want to get on a plane, get to Spain, and start walking that minute.

Telling Walt was the first hurdle toward making the walk a reality.

I would be gone for 45 days, almost the entire first summer of his retirement. He would be home taking care of critters and yard alone. We were struggling with the transitions created by aging and retirement. I was already leaving for the Canyon for another rafting trip in April. We had a big remodel project planned for early spring. My brother was ill and declining rapidly. Walt's dad was failing. In the face of all of that, he promised his support. And he's kept that promise. He's encouraged me without reservation. He's helped with travel plans, and technology issues. He's sending me off with gifts that will remind me every step of the way that I am loved.

We bought our plane tickets early January this year. From that point forward, everything in life was filtered through the impending pilgrimage. I got serious about getting in shape with long walks, hikes, and yoga. I read books and articles and forums. Patricia and I had long conversations. I told friends, who more often than not looked at me like I'd lost my mind. My enthusiasm eventually won them over, or they were at least kind enough to allow me the dream regardless of their belief that no sane 66 year old woman would walk 500 miles willingly. Even my hip doctor, when I went to get permission to put those miles on my replacement joint, said yes you can, but why would you want to?

Why indeed.

The truth is there is no simple answer. My first answer was that it was an adventure. Later I said I wanted to come back with a plan for how I'll spend the last third of my life. Sometimes I would say I was seeking a connection with the spiritual energy that is a huge part of the Camino. More recently I've said I'm looking forward to enjoying the company of my own inner self with no distraction. I'm looking forward to testing my limits. I'm looking forward to meeting people from all over the world. I'm looking forward to the freedom of simply walking every day, with no obligation beyond self care.

A lot has happened in my life since Patricia first mentioned the Camino. Events that provided opportunities to grow and grieve and expand my heart. It's as if my Camino began the minute I said yes.

Around the time of our Camino beginnings, my brother Mark became seriously ill. He'd been sick for a long time, but none of us knew that until things reached a tipping point where his symptoms could no longer be easily explained away. In the course of these last two years he went from living independently in a sweet little house, to assisted living, to a locked memory care facility, to the hospital, to a nursing home. Visiting him became a cornerstone of my weeks, so I was with him as he declined with a speed that shocked us all. I considered delaying the pilgrimage for him, but the timing seemed out of my control. As it turned out, there was no need. Mark died on May 27 with his siblings by his side.

This week, as I've walked Toby and enjoyed my morning coffee ritual and visited with Walt at the end of the day, I've held the moments as treasured gifts I'm offering to release as the price for this pilgrimage. The comforts of my own bed and newly-remodeled bathroom. The joys of familiar birdsong and flower beds exploding in fireworks displays of color. My beautiful new kitchen. My friends and family. The comforting routines of a retired life. All being left behind so that I can experience something new and sacred and life-changing.

My pack is packed, and within a reasonable weight limit. Patricia and I have been firing texts and pictures back and forth for days now. We are as ready as we're going to be. We'll meet at the airport in the morning, say goodbye for a while to lives and people we love, and fly away to follow the Way of Saint James to wherever it leads us.


You are invited to come along this summer as both Patricia and I will be posting on Facebook from time to time.

12 comments:

My life so far said...

For some reason I haven't read your blog in a long while. Not sure how I missed it. I was so sorry to hear about your brother.

Congratulations on your upcoming trip. The Camino is still something I want to do. Not sure how I'll work it out but I'm hopeful I will. Good luck and can't wait to hear about it.

Take care.

Sandi Babbitt said...

Well, it's finally here, this adventure you've been planning for. It's been a pleasure to be a small part of your training, as we hiked the past few weeks longer, and more difficult hikes! Looking forward to following you, in heart at least, as you spread your wings and fly off tomorrow morning. Blessings, safety and treasures to you, my friend.

Heidrun Khokhar, KleinsteMotte said...

May this adventure bring you all the ecitement and joy possible. Be safe.

Marianne Love said...

Deb, I sent your link to my daughter Annie who is two days out from finishing her second Camino (the Portugese route) with her cousin/my grand niece Justine (also Beth Thompson's grand niece). If you have not seen her blog, you can find it at www.adventuregirlannie.com.

Best of luck on this wonderful adventure.

Meryl Baer said...

Good luck and enjoy your adventure of a lifetime.

Unknown said...

I cannot wait to hear about your adventures! You are such an inspiration to me. Someday I will do that same walk but for now it's the haute route in September. Take care and make lots of new memories and lots of new friends.
XOXO,
Shelly

DJan said...

How wonderful for you both! I now believe I have (or will have) more than a dozen friends who have done part or all of the Camino. I am assuming, looking at your backpack, that you will be staying in albergues rather than hotels? I will follow your journey with interest and much love, Deb! :-)

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

When life changes and the years pass quickly, the word “yes” should be the word that we embrace. I wish you much joy and healthy feet on your journey of a lifetime.

Sally Wessely said...

This is very exciting. One of my dear friends did this pilgrimage a few years ago. She is in your 50’s and had lost her son tragically. The trip was such an amazing experience for her. I know it will be for you. I look forward to hearing about it.

I am sorry to hear of the rapid decline in health that took your dear brother’s life.

Keep up seeking adventures. This pilgrimage will teach you much.

Barb said...

I'm just reading this post and want to say have a great adventure. My friend, Sue, did the Spanish Camino and also the French Camino. She felt the pilgrimage was a life-altering experience. Stay safe, open your eyes, and expand your heart. Blessings to you. Unfortunately, I'm no longer on Facebook, so I'll miss your updates. But, I'll be thinking of you, Deb!

Dee said...

Dear Deb, I missed this posting when it first appeared and so just now--on July 6th--I'm discovering that your are walking the way of St. James. I've wanted to do this since I was in the 6th grade at St. Mary's Grade School in Independence, Mo. Our readers that year were structured to teach us European History as well as to challenge our reading ability. All the stories took place in Europe along the many roads to Catholic missions. One of the roads down which we traveled for several weeks--learning history and geography and humanity all the while--was Camino de Santiago. I so remember that unit of study. It drew me forward and made me want to walk the way. I've longed to do that ever since. But somehow it was never possible.

I did plan--when I was turning 80 to fly to Virginia and walk the Appalachian Trail for 100 miles in 10 days. But no one was interested in going with me and my family feared for me if I went alone--which I planned to do. So that didn't happen. I'm 82 now and with Meziere's Disease my balance if truly compromised so I've given up the dream of walking a way, a trail, a road on a journey of inner and outer discovery.

I am so glad that you are being able to do this. With you deep and rich and broad spirituality this could be/can be so enriching. It can draw you into the deep, dark heart of Oneness. Peace.

Deborah Barker said...

HI Deb, how did I miss this post when I have regularly been checking back to see what you are up to? Oh my goodness, 45 days in Spain? Have you been and gone then or are you still there? No, you cannot be unless you prolonged the trip LOL! So sorry to hear about your brother, Mark. I lost a very dear friend, quite suddenly, a few days before we went on holiday to Spain, Majorca, this September. Sometimes losing someone makes one find oneself in a strange way. I hope your trip was all you hoped it would be and that you are well and enjoying retirement. Debbie X