"It's as if a great bird lives inside the stone of our days and since no sculptor can free it, it has to wait for the elements to wear us down, till it is free to fly." Mark Nepo

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Delight


Just like that, light begins to return in random sparks. The weight of my long winter is eased by the flashes of golden grace that suddenly seem everywhere. I know they've always been there, and more I haven't yet felt, but in the last few days I've found myself delighted at every turn.

The awareness of the feeling first came on a walk with Toby (no surprise there, right?). It was a rare morning walk, below freezing beneath a lively blue sky. I was enjoying the particular freshness only to be found in morning light and air, following the trail, when I looked up to see what I thought was fog blanketing the clearing ahead. When I broke through, what I found instead was a breathtaking display of diamonds liberally painted over every surface for as far as my eye could see, sparkling like life under the bright morning sun.

Later it was a video of babies laughing, found as I scrolled Facebook. I'm rarely there, and even more rarely willing to take the time to watch the many videos linked, but that time I did. I can still hear the music of those four angelic voices crowing in delight.

And then like fireflies at dusk in the Midwest, a couple of sparks became a skyful:

A new massage therapist with warm hands and a warmer heart.

A phone call from my older brother, which always makes me happy, but this time I could hear my own joy at the sound of his voice, and was surprised by it. Frank's grief over the loss of his stepson is still fresh, and I think our shared losses this year have opened something new for us.

Shiny, velvety, new-green foxglove leaves whorled against the ground, the first step toward the brilliant brave spikes that will wave in summer breezes.

On the edge of a meadow, plum blossoms festooning a baby tree, clearly not aware they're meant to wait for warmer air.

Lunch with a friend that felt as soulful and satisfying as the soup we shared.

It's not the events. I know that. And each is something I am always aware of feeling grateful for in some way. This new sense of lightened, light-filled delight is a very different thing. A return of an old friend, but more somehow. Stronger and more precious because of the shadows from which it's emerging.

Winter still holds here, even with the many small signs of spring. We could still get weather, often do into early March. The cold still grips like there's no tomorrow. I'm prepared for even more frost, and won't be relying on the warmth and light this week has given as proof winter has been defeated. But for now at least, my spring has arrived.

23 comments:

Wander to the Wayside said...

I always wish that my comments could mirror the beauty of your posts. Since they never will, I'll just say that I found this post a 'delight'...and I'm so glad that you found so many beautiful and comforting things in the midst of your long winter.

Lilith said...

The light is returning here as well. The days are getting longer, the sun higher in the sky, the sun now shines into my kitchen window again. I'm thankful.

Donna said...

Soooo glad to hear you finding some happiness, Deb!! Love the massage therapy part...nothing like it in my book too! And best is lunch with a good friend. That, besides family, is where you can find soul satisfying support...I have a couple of friends who are like a warm fuzzy bandaid when you need them! (Others mask themselves as that but are like re-ripping the sore off again...you DON"T need that!!)
Just glad things are better for you and spring is around the corner!!

yaya said...

Deb,I'm so happy that you have found the peace and beauty of spring in your everyday life. You express your struggle and triumph over adversity so beautifully.

Barb said...

I think spring has come to your Heart, Deb and that is where it counts the most. I was smiling just reading your post - you brought me a bit of spring, too.

Pam said...

You have such a shiny soul Deb.Your writing is beautiful.I doubt that any blanket of darkness could contain your special light for long. Like the Spring, your strong spirit shines through.

Charlene: the Polarblogger said...

This post is an additional delight to all that I already have this season. I delight in the fact that you find delight in many things right now. And I wish you more delightful things coming your way.

DJan said...

I also found this post a delight, and I've signed up to follow YOU as you did for me, Deb. I'll now go back and read some other posts, but I did love this one...

Stacy Crawford said...

I love the way you paint pictures in my mind. Have you ever thought about being an author?

Wanda said...

Isn't it amazing how the light lightens our hearts and lights a fire under our frozen forms? Love the light and the longer days, myself.

Retired English Teacher said...

You have shone some sunshine on my heart today with this post. I'm so thankful you are feeling that you spirits are being lifted.

Thank you for your beautiful response to my blog post today. It means a great deal to read what you write to me. I think of you often as we both walk this journey of grief.

Teresa aka JW said...

A very beautiful post! Winter is only one season if we can keep that in our heart and mind. Your hope is shining through...maybe as a bit of comfort.

Take care, dear Deb.

Niki said...

All I can think to say is "Praise God!" I am so happy to hear your spirit being lightened, my friend.

...and I must admit to a bit of envy over your burgeoning spring....we are yet until a thick blanket of snow....

be blessed!
Niki

LauraX said...

Deb this is so exquisitely uplifting. I am so happy that you are awakening to these moments of inner-spring renewal alongside the gradual shifts in the world outside. This line was so poignant for me "Stronger and more precious because of the shadows from which it's emerging." I believe this to be true, it is the shadows that reveal the light as much as the other way around.

B. WHITTINGTON said...

Lovely lovely piece of writing. So descriptive yet so soulful. I was there with you and loved what you found instead of fog, the light and beauty of our winter earth.
You have such an openness Deb that it makes me want to open myself up more for whatever comes into my life. You give me such promise and hope of what lies ahead
Many thanks
Blessings, Barb
Who says our first years on life are the best. I'm enjoying what I have right now at 65.

She Writes said...

Deb, I crave spring. Relish every little glimpse of it :)!

Carrie Link said...

I'm glad!

Amber said...

You came to my mind yesterday when I was getting a massage. It think because of a post you wrote a bit ago, but also because of the nurturing of it all...and how I hope you are feeling nurtured somehow. I am happy to hear what you write here. May you keep feeling spring trying to come through.

love

;)

Katie Gates said...

So beautiful, Deb. I love witnessing your emergence from a difficult winter, and I appreciate your recognizing life's cycles.

Terri Tiffany said...

My heart warms at your words. It's been a long winter season here in Florida and I don't mean the cold. I've been trying to catch glimpses of a new spring in my life and lunch today with a good friend is a start:) Blessings!

kario said...

Gorgeous and perfect, as always. I love the photo - those craggy stems always make me smile when they end in the soft petal pink of new flowers.

deb colarossi said...

This brought tears.

Kathryn Grace said...

What lovely images you evoke--with so few words!

And what hope and inspiration I take from these: "In the last few days I've found myself delighted at every turn."

I give gratitude for your healing, gratitude for your skill in sharing your experience, and gratitude for the joy I feel reading your words.