Fear and Joy

Falling from a very high bridge, trapped in a car, no way out.

Seeing a Bald Eagle fly over my head as I stand by the river.

Losing my breath.

Spending time with a friend who gets it all.

Getting to the end of life with regrets about not loving or letting love in.

Hiking with Walt, the place in the hike when it stops being hard and become fluid, holy and life-giving.

It took too long for me to trust my heart.

Finding wildflowers I've never seen before at Catherine Creek among the ones that are old friends.

My body - that it will break down, quit, turn on me.

Toby's silly dog smile and 80 pound greeting driven by his red plume tail every single time he sees me.

Things will always be hard - I'll always see the shadows and not the light.

Pulling weeds, planting seeds, pruning runaway bushes.

Anger in all its forms.

Words that sing, dance, shout, paint, cry, laugh - my own or anyone else's.

Being wrong about God.

Time with my brothers.

Losing time with nothing to show.

On the road to new places, new people, new ways of being.

Not getting to experience adventures because I'm too tired, because it's too late.

Holding hands in the dark of a movie immersed in story, the fragrance of popcorn, and the solid sureness of my life partner.

I've been taking a class the last few weeks with Jennifer Springsteen of Portland Writers. I haven't posted anything here because we do our writing in class to prompts Jennifer provides, so it's all first draft work. A lot of my work from this class will eventually find its way into the new book. Last night, however, she gave us a different kind of prompt that was fun to do (all hers are) and revealing and magical. The writing above is the result of this prompt:

Number 1 -10, leaving room to write. List ten things in sentences or phrases that make you happy/give you joy. Turn the paper over, number 1-10, and list ten things in sentences or phrases that you're afraid of or that scare you. On a separate paper, starting with your first fear, copy what you wrote, alternating fear and joy statements. This works with any opposites and is apparently an effective way to work through blocks in writing. You might want to give it a try just for fun. I'd love it if you shared.